Sunday, April 26, 2015
A good friend sent me this the other night. I wanted to send it your way on this fine Sunday at the end of April. Find a way to those deep grasses and float along those deep rivers within, and then sing the song of it all today..
Here is calm so deep, grasses cease waving.
Everything in wild nature fits into us,
as if truly part and parent of us.
The sun shines not on us but in us.
The rivers flow not past, but through us,
thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell
of the substance of our bodies,
Making them glide and sing.
The trees wave and the flowers bloom
in our bodies as well as our souls,
and every bird song, wind song,
and; tremendous storm song of the rocks
in the heart of the mountains is our song,
our very own, and sings our love.
- John Muir
April 26th, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
There is that old joke from the old Odd Couple show where Felix tells Oscar that “to assume is to make an ASS out of you (U) and ME”. In our minds it is easy for us to make cause and effect assumptions about things. Often the reality is that there is nothing that holds those ideas together EXCEPT our own thinking. We think that our view of something has taken in all the alternative reasons or explanations that exist.
I could assume that Joe Blow is being selfish or controlling with me. And/or I could assume that I give up my power and am a victim in that same situation. We ASSUME that our view of things is the ONLY view. It certainly could be the case, but how often do we really experience another person who is able to weigh multiple points of view, inventory themselves instead of others and do be so accurate as to make 10 people who know them agree on everything they said. Nope, me neither.
If you look at your assumptions as being at the center of a pie, what you see is a pie shape expanding as it moves away from you. You would need to turn and look and turn and look and turn and look and turn and look to eventually see the whole horizon.
Repetition is very powerful, and how often do we say the very same things over and over about a partner or spouse. I don’t know about you, but I can be influenced by the sound of repeating words… Isn’t it why politicians pay enormous amounts of money to tell us things about themselves and their opponents over and over again?
So not only do we make assumptions and then hold on to them like they are TRUTH, but then we repeat them to ourselves, again and again, until we cannot imagine that there exists another way to see this situation. You might try making a list of the the things you have said about your spouse/or partner many times.
Let’s go back to Joe Blow. Now maybe he is being selfish and I give up my power and am unhappy…..maybe. But what if I am controlling? What if I am just unhappy when I don’t get MY way. What if I identify myself as victim and then I get an opportunity of get sympathy and have reason to justify my cynicism and closed heart? What if I don’t know how to negotiate to WIN/WIN, but persist in seeing the world as always being WIN/LOSE? What if I have not developed a persistent sense of gratitude and despite having money, freedom, health and/or…….??? And I don’t ever feel like I have enough or get my way enough?
Of course, if we are in abusive relationships where our freedom to act is diminished or we have lost personal power and have subjugated ourselves to a relationship in which our needs are not getting met in a consistent manner and we have sought out unbiased feedback and all attempts have been made to learn our lessons as a couple and as individuals, yes, then take those beliefs and let them lead you out of the relationship, but, just for a moment consider that pie. Consider how much perspective you really have .
I would encourage you that have persistent beliefs around who you are, and who you believe others to be to actually stop for a moment. Stop and turn so that you can see something else. You can always turn back to your snuggly little spot that you have been creating for decades. But with each of your assumptions, take the time to try and write on a piece of paper ten OTHER reasons why what you are seeing is happening. Make sure that half of those have to do with what you might not be seeing. Ask for feedback. Listen to the answers. Do not try to argue or lobby with your feedback person, or try to convince them into believing your perspective. Just when you begin to feel uncomfortable with the answer that they are giving you, say…. “TELL ME MORE !” Now try it again with someone else. Learn to ask “WHAT AM I NOT SEEING HERE?”
Today is Easter 2015. For many people it is a religious holiday around rebirth. I encourage you to consider unearthing some of your own rigid assumptions out of the inner caves of your personality, and rise, rise to something beyond that.