Sunday, September 30, 2012

Pushing Water, Treading Through

As I was doing my laps in the pool the other morning, I was reminded again of the way that we resist things.  Not only do we struggle with change in our lives, trying something new, grumbling over new procedures at work, but our bodies resist pushing through that next layer of the stress it takes to get a new skill.  I  swim 25 laps or 50 lengths in the pool.  Been doing it for over a year now, three times a week.   I always like it when I hit 31 on the count of lengths.  It made me remember years ago when I was a runner, doing 5 miles on a regular basis.  There was a time in that routine, like this one, where I could feel my body release me.  It is like someone suddenly oils my bearings and I roll into SMOOTH mode. In retrospect, it is like my body is resisting, resisting, resisting going to the next level and then AAAH.... it says OK I will let you!!

As I finished my laps I was thinking about how this translates into other areas of our lives.  First of all I think we give up on new things much too quickly.  We don't allow for the resistance thing to have it's way with us.  We try to learn something new, a sport, a language, a new food, or a new way of thinking about something.  It feels awkward, we feel stupid or embarassed, and then our ego takes us out of the arena.

When you think about it, when we learn everything, we feel that way in the beginning.  Think about learning to walk, ride a bike, or drive a car.  We were overwhemed at the complexity of it.  WHAT?  WHERE'S THE BRAKE?  OMG THERE'S A CAR COMING!!  HOW DO I PARK??   Or although it was preverbal for us, somewhere in us we were thinking.....HOW DO I STAY UPRIGHT?  HOW DO I MOVE THIS LEG FORWARD BUT NOT TOO FAR??    The thing is, the rewards were pretty great for hanging in there, we were getting loads of encouragement from our parents, or all of our friends were learning it as well as us.  We were able to push through to that point where it was more fun than trouble.

When learning how to talk about your feelings more clearly, or not expressing our anger in ways that are either frightening to others or simply ineffective, it would be easy to toss it all in and go back to the way you have always done it.  New behavior takes lots of practice.    We walked ALOT!!!  We drove ALOT!!

So here's the other thing.  Sometimes we know we need to keep going, but we act like we don't.  Sometimes we know we need to change, but we act like we don't.  Sometimes We don't know we know what we need to do, but the door keeps coming in front of us..    Remember we are always being helped to see where we need to persist.   Stop pretending to be asleep. Stop letting that lie act like a truth.  You can learn a new trick.  New dog, Old dog alike..   Now breathe, and now, do it again... and again... see how easy that is...

Cue words.   DO IT AGAIN, 


Friday, September 7, 2012


I have been busy in the garden for the last month.  I am lucky enough to be involved in a community garden as well as my yard at the house.  I have felt the abundance and specificity of the earth and seeds.   A pumpkin seed cannot ever become a corn plant, nor a daisy, a dahlia.  I love the idea that inherent in each of us are the seeds to how we will grow and develop.  Will I be the knotty branches of a sea pine, or the fiery color in a red tipped rose?

 I am a believer.  A believer in will and effort and magic and miracles.  But there is such wisdom in seeds.  Wildflowers will often wait as much as a decade on the open plains, waiting for the right season of water and temperature to flourish into wild colored beauty.
This whole area here is blessed with such rich soil.  Often you will drive by farmland and see a complete field of yellow or orange, dense color, like from spilled paint, and as you approach, you realize it is a field of seed flowers.  Flowers raised for those little packets you can buy in garden shops.

My garden feeds me a fresh salad every day, with lettuce, radishes, tomatoes, carrots, and cucumbers, and dinner every night of swiss chard, spinach, beans.  I have not had this bounty in my life for some time, and I can only tell you that it heals me.
I see people either fight against their nature, or talents, or simply not know what they like or which activities enlivens and nourishes them.  I think that like each seed, we each have some destiny in us.  We have a particular way that we each need to grow.  I am not saying that we cannot explore life and taste and try things.  I  think this is an important part of living.  But we need to remember that we have some direction within us.  We each have talents, skills and passions, that when we discover them will be like coming home.  Like plants, some of us need more sunlight, some don't transplant well, some seeds scatter and carry on the wind.    Some of are trees, some food, some for the ever shining beauty of flowers.    

What is most true is that we all belong here.  We all have a guide within that will take us and send our shoots out to the right trellis, or the night sky,  or dig into the soil beneath us with our carrot and beet bottoms, or fill a field with oats and grain.  Our map, our pattern lies within.                                                                                    

          The question would be:  How does one know what kind of person we are?
In gardening, sometimes you don't really know what you have until you plant it and see how it does. Every day of our lives is an experiment in gardening our passions, cultivating our environment, feeding and watering ourselves with attention to what will most help us grow and produce what it is in our nature to produce. I do know that when we are in the right environment for us, we will rise each day toward the sun, and flourish, and with the abundance of earth

CUE WORDS:          I BELONG.  

               I AM BECOMING WHO I AM.