Saturday, November 23, 2013


Why do you think people marry?  This was the question that Susan Sarandan asked of the private eye that she had hired to follow her husband in the movie Shall We Dance.

He said “romance?”

She then gave one of the most succinct and unvarnished views that I had ever heard.  Most people marry to have the other person fulfill their needs.  There are huge expectations of behavior, many not conscious.

Here is her answer:  "Because we need a witness to our lives.  There’s a billion people on the planet…what does one life mean?  But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything… the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things…all of it, all the time, every day.  You are saying ‘your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it.  Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness’".

If we were able to bring this idea to the process of dating and looking at our long-term spouses, I suspect there would be less divorce and certainly less disappointments and less of a drive to turn your mate into someone of which you approve. What if we thought of marriage as the building of a safe enough container so that each person would be supported in their journey to self.  One in which we agree and promise to witness and notice each other.  

What if you looked at a possible mate and said…Could I spend the rest of my life witnessing and noticing this person?  Could I make it safe enough for them to become who they need to?  Could I take good enough care of myself so that I would have the energy and stability to  be that noticed and witness?  Can I create safety in this relationship?  Am I mature enough and well balanced enough to pay attention to another living being in a loving way?  Can I keep my selfishness to a minimum?  Can I use my support system to fill up my own basket so that I have things to bring into the container of the marriage?  Am I brave enough to work at my own path and struggle with my own demons and not blame my partner for my own obstacles and fears?  Am I whole enough to care for another person enough to witness their life without judgement and notice who they are on a daily basis?

             Maybe these are the new questions.  

Notice how the shift is to what I can bring to the party, not how they are going to make my life wonderful.

Have a grateful holiday week and "Be careful out there English."  from the movie…………wait for it……..WITNESS

Saturday, November 16, 2013


To Commune: to confer, consult, converse, a mental or spiritual exchange, sharing, holding in common, community, fellowship, honoring social contracts, communication…

What is the social contract?  What have I contracted to do or be by being human in a democratic republic, this planetary realm?  What have I taken this life to do or become?  How do I learn this?  How do I express this?

In one of my favorite movies of last year, “The Cloud Atlas” explorations of reincarnation and responsibility are put to narrative form.  One is afforded the opportunity to see six or seven character interacting with one another over lifetimes, cultures and sexual identities.  It is not the neatened up version of karma.. If I do bad, bad things will happen to me, but more the idea that our energies commune, and there is ritual in communion among us.

One character, Somni-451 is asked about her philosophy following some choices she made with her life that will have fatal consequences.  In part she answers

 “Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others, past and present.  By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”  

In this she refers to the collective future of us all.  An interesting idea don’t you think? My karma, so to speak is the world's karma.  Check out the film.  Don't try to follow each character so much as let the life of all the people in the movie wash over you as a whole.

What if all sentient beings, right now, in this moment knew that the next 10 things they did would greatly impact the future of our planet, our culture, our children and children’s children? How would it change the world?

What if we each know right now.. this next thing, and the thousand that follow will bring us all forward into communion with our future…possibly our future selves, but surely our communal future?  What if we knew that?

 Just for today.. try to hold that consciousness.  Just for today, or even the next hour.

Peace.  Inner peace is great.  Outer peace is nice too.  More soon,  Misty

Friday, November 8, 2013


Sometimes a Man Stands Up During Supper

Sometimes a man stand up during supper

and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,

because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.

And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead.

And another man, who remains inside his own house,

dies there, inside the dishes and in the glasses,

so that his children have to go far out into the world

toward the same church, which he forgot.

Ranier Maria Rilke

Here is a meditation for you..  Consider the characters above and ruminate, write, and contemplate who in you family most resonates to this story.  Did your family or you “keep on walking” or did you or they “remain in the house and die there”? Also what is your “church of the East”?  How do you relate to this church.  If you feel called to stay with this idea, write about it and would like to share with me, email me at

          Blessings for your week.  Misty