TRAPPED IN THE NARRATIVE

I have for the past month been doing that thing called SPRING CLEANING.  For the last three years I have participated in a city wide garage sale.  A whole town puts their things out to sell and cleans up their yards and garages and closets.  People come from many miles afar to wander through the streets and re–imagine the purpose and value of someone else’s castoffs.

Last Saturday I sold or gave away many things that had been taking up space in my life that had clearly passed it’s date of expiration…at least for me.  As I said I have done this for three years now, and YEP, I still had a van full of goodies, many that people were only too happy to take home and weave into their lives, if not garages, yards and             closets of their own..

I have to say that other than the drudge work of lifting and toting boxes and figuring out how to price things so I wouldn’t have to bring them home, I enjoyed the sifting, and most immensely the letting go of things that I think have defined me, or somehow I thought they did.

The narrative of my private life played out in art objects, mementos, crafting materials, office supplies, furniture, clothing and kitchen tools…I am pleased to say I went though every box, closet, shed, cabinet and drawer in my house and LET GO of more of my story.

There was plenty of time to consider how tied we get to who we WANT to be, who we THINK we are, who we want OTHERS TO THINK we are and who we HAVE BEEN.  It is a funny thing when you retire and move to a new area where people only know you NOW.  How important are those stories?  The ones we tell, and the ones we keep.  How much space do these stories take in our day to day living?  Is there room in our lives, rooms, walls to make a new picture?  To step out of the narrative and allow for new visions of ourselves to develop or emerge.

I can only tell you what a relief it was to leave all of those things elsewhere.  I felt as if I was let out of a cage of sorts…. Of course I will still remember those stories and they will remain a part of who I am today, but I do think that AT LEAST after 50 we have an opportunity to stop sitting on top of our pile of stuff  and calling it the whole world.

Take a moment and imagine meeting someone new.  Now imagine that you cannot tell them one thing about who you have been or what you have done.  They can only know you by how you act today?  Is that a comfortable feeling?  Scary, or Fun?

Not only can we  finish the story differently, but we can write new books about ourselves and about ourselves in a state of discovery and innocence.  Before we started acquiring all those things that define us, we were in a state of discovery and innocence.  It was fun………and the world was wide open……. 

As it could be now.  Keep the memories…  otherwise….start clean!