FINDING THE THIRD VOICE

A friend recently sent me a link to an article from the New York Times.  It was an interesting piece on diversity.  It was more specifically about how colleges could do more to create and encourages dialogs about diversity.  I have included the link for those that might want to read the whole piece.  It is  certainly worth your time.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-demanding-more-from-college.html


The article points out that colleges encourage people to find their own groups...like seeking like:   botanists finding other botanists, engineers finding other engineers, republicans....republicans, dog lovers......dog lovers, etc.

It is certainly understandable that we enjoy people with similar interests, points of view, lifestyles.  But the article makes the point that it doesn't exactly open our minds to other viewpoints, encourage diversity within our own circles, or ways of thinking.  In my last blog I was talking about how we seem to have lost the ability or interest in dialoging with anyone with a differing point of view.  Instead the trend seems to be to just try and make anyone who doesn't agree with us look stupid, or just wrong.

Although I promise that this is not becoming the central theme of these blog pieces, I did think we might just go one step further in this particular exploration.  Let's do a bit a self examination here.  I spoke last time about the idea that if we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem, a cultural construct from the 60's counter culture.  The question now is how often do we allow ourselves to even entertain another perspective.  And if we do, how do we respond to it, and further how often do we engage in dialogs in these areas?  

The New York Times article encourages the practice of students deleting 4 of their current bookmarks and adding 4 from other viewpoints and perspectives.   Would you consider this?  Why?  Why not?   I am not suggesting that you make yourself miserable with engaging for long periods with people or groups that make you sad or scare you, but this is really an exercise in listening...This may seem to be mostly about politics, but this idea has relevance in relationships as well.

How often do we really LISTEN to our families, spouses, children, parents when their views are diametrically opposed to our own.  Can you listen?  Can you sit for a moment in their shoes?  Can you engage the problem that they are stating from their perspective and seek solutions relative to their needs?

Check yourself:

How often do you LISTEN to any views besides one's that reflect your own opinions?

What happens to your voice, your words, your emotions when you do?

If world cultures settle disputes the way that we do personally, would there be a world full of war or peace?   



It is time in our culture to really look at our own behavior in this area.  Again, another quote from the 60's:  "Be the change you want in the world".  In your relationships, as in community, political, religious or social areas, can you really SEE the other person's perspective and can you honor it, respect it and find a way to live  so that each of you can feel good.  

I have talked before about WIN WIN situations.   Take this as a reminder to look for more of those in your life.  Move beyond the duality of right/wrong good/bad and find the THIRD ANSWER.  Think about what that might mean...

Keywords:  LISTEN, ENTERTAIN NEW AND DIVERSE IDEAS, ENGAGE WITH THEM AND LOOK FOR THE BRIDGES AND COMMONALITY THAT CAN BRING RESPECT AND PEACE.




A world of blessings to your hearts.  Misty,  9/12/14

"SOUL" UTIONS....

A week or so ago, someone posted on Facebook a picture of our current president.  It was taken when he was in college.  I have include the photo below.  The words written upon the face of it went something like this:    “Everytime I look at this picture I cannot believe this piece of crap became our president”    I looked at the shot and what I saw was a college student dressed  in jeans and a sweater, sitting on a couch with another person relaxing.   

I was perplexed by this statement .  the whole situation kept coming back into my head as I went on with my week.  I have noticed this trend of taking aim at your political opponents by smearing and attempting to slander them, spread lies about them, imply things about them and generally be mean and hateful towards them. 

The fact that this photo comment survived and was reposted by other people was disturbing to me.  In the 60’s when I was in college there was an expression that went like this:

“If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem”.

It is against the law to have an accident and leave the scene.  We call that a "Hit and Run".  The law requires us to take responsibility for how we interact in our cars.  There are laws against hate crimes.  These laws  reflect our national ethics.  We, at least legally,  chose to not be terrorists, blind haters  or people who act out physically against other human beings.

I wonder how all of this verbal nastiness has snuck by the censors.  Is it not cowardly to try to shame, embarrass, demean our public figures.  What happened to being part of the solution?  

It seems to me that our country was set up so that we could participate in the governing.  We have the right to run against our political opponents, to talk about issues and educate people who disagree with us to and to try and open the views of our opponent to another perspective.  Sometimes we are successful and sometimes we are not.  Have we turned into a nation of poor losers.  If we don't get our way, do we not only take the ball home, but try and burn down the stadium?

This essay is not about my political views.  I am sure we can look at each past president for the past 50 years and point to  strong and weaker skill sets within each term of office.  But does disagreeing with someone, or in fact losing the election to the “other guy” really mean that we should spend the entire term of office attacking, slandering and undermining what they are doing.

What if we each took our own inventory……(not a bad thing to do regularly) and ask ourselves these questions:

How have I been part of the problem that I am so mad about?

What can I do to become part of the solution to this issue?

How can I enter into a dialog about values and goals that might  help find a compromise that will work for all of us?

Have we become a nation that is all about winning….at any cost?  How is this back stabbing, hateful verbage any less damaging that hate crimes.  It comes from ignorance, laziness of our mental capacity, and the anonymity provided by the internet.  I believe we can do better and I encourage to think about how YOU might do better.  

We are all blessed with such riches of experience, wealth and tribal lore and knowledge.  If we dip our brushes in the pots of creativity and generosity we have the ability to solve the problems in the world, feed the people, care for the planet, and remind ourselves and others that we can do all we do with gentleness and dignity.

Blessings to you all.  Los Osos September 5, 2014

Misty

Get UP, Get OUT!

We can snooze...

Or watch the dawn


Snuggle one day!    OR... 

 Find the dark night sky...

And breathe in the morning!

How long since you saw the sunrise????? 

                       

                                           Blessings for your SUN day morning.  Misty 8/30/14

                                            ( I will be on the bluff at 6am...How about you?)

THE PRACTICE OF WAITING, THE PRACTICE OF PRACTICING!

Those among us who have never eaten fast food are few.  I do know one.  Do you?  Living in a fast food culture, do you not wonder what it has done to our sensibilities, not to mention our taste buds? 

Not only do we now define tasty as something reproduced exactly across thousands of miles and multiple states, countries and continents. But we have trained ourselves to expect things almost as quickly as we can say them. Is our culture devaluing patience?  What are the effects of this in our lives?  

I sometimes worry that we have not only lost our sense of adventure but have lost the willingness to wait or be challenged.  Is the road rocky, is the path steep?  When we are occasionally stopped in traffic for road construction, how often do you see someone pulling out of the lane to reverse direction, or getting off at an earlier exit to avoid those minutes of waiting. What if we could use those bits of time to practice patience, for allowing something else to happen, a surprise, a breath, a glance. We might notice the horses in the field next to the road, or change the radio station to some wonderful music, open the window, lean out and look up,or even talking to the poor sod out there holding the sign. 

Having obstacles or a bumpy road is not something to be avoided, as there are little bits of light to be found there.  I understand that some things are not meant for us and we have to look for those to not linger in places we do not belong, but if things are hard or difficult or require some waiting how likely are we to stick with them.  Do we no longer value the "practice" of something.  Is this not the way to great art and exquisite craftsmanship?  

I recently found my boxes of basket making supplies and I started working on a basket.  The first three were so funny looking, I thought for a bit that I had lost what knack I might have once had, but by the time I got to #4 something else had begun to show up.

I am asking you to think about those times in your life where you stopped at #2 or #3.  Most things are hard when we start to do them:  driving a car, playing a guitar, making ciabatta bread......what about the these personal development things like: meditating, letting someone see your flaws, learning to communicate?  These are not easy either, but just like the car, the bike or the loaf, we become more adept the more we practice.  It is OK to NOT be good at something. It is also OK to take the time to get better....  we never get the good baskets or the long views of the land if we don't stay on the path.

I will stick with the effects of fast food on our minds and hearts to say....What about the element of surprise? 

Why do we want to eat the same thing every time? It used to be that traveling included a kind of adventure and story around the surprise of places.  Now we are as likely to pull into and chain restaurant (if you can call fast food restaurants) or spend time looking up reviews online before venturing into a place.  Yes, in those days of yore, we did get the occasional bad meal, but we also had a story, a moment of curiosity, a dialog with ourselves about what defined a place in which we wanted to eat.

 

We have been trained to be in a hurry, always.

We have been trained to not wander, to not relish the journey, to not like surprises.

We cannot get those great vistas without the challenge of a rocky road.  It takes time.

Good things take time.  Wait.  Walk some more.

Be stalled. Wander off the path.  It is OK, you might like it, and if not, that is OK too.  We don’t have to be delighted every minute of our lives.

But wouldn't it be nice to be amazed and surprised, just for a moment?

Just for today...if you are going out to eat....go to new spot without checking Yelp first!

Just for today, if life pulls you into the slow lane or has you stopped....count clouds, sheep or blessings while you wait!

Just for today....imagine it is your birthday...because maybe it is!

Just for today....imagine what might be around the corner, then go see!

Blessings to you, Misty Wycoff August 24th,2014.

LOVING THE PROCESS

When we are trying on a new behavior, or trying to let go of an old one,we are so outcome driven. It makes it so easy for our egos to beat the wind out of us..  Did we do it?  Was it perfect?  Was it as good as someone else?

Doesn't reading those lines make your body clench up? .....your butt, your tummy and your shoulders??  Wow such pressure............and oddly on doing the wrong thing.

Thomas Sterner wrote a book called The Practicing Mind.

He makes many points that I will not cover here, but the one that really stuck for me was about “loving the process”.  If we could just love the repetition, the mistakes, the messes we make, the failures, we might just stick with something long enough to achieve that lauded goal.

There is an entire field of Psychology based on principles linked back to the french philosopher Gaston Bachelard, called Depth Psychology.

James Hillman, a brilliant grandfather in the Jungian movement wrote often about the essentially healing, transformative nature of observation.   Staying in the present, with yourself, an activity, an image from dreaming, in poetic silence, in reverence we watch.....that is when the magic happens.

There is something sacred in this attention.  Wading into the depth of and experience, as opposed to using our talents to get us OUT of it.  In Carol Rizzola's book, Illuminating the Twilight, she explores the historical and contemporary process of being present for the dying.  "Being present to these storying moments brings to mind what the Ancient Greeks might have called the realm of the Muses, a sacred vessel in which the human psyche of the dying can find healing through expression." 

I give you three other ways to enter this ideology.  All invite something other than the mental, problem solving pieces of ourselves to sit with us.  To observe.  To listen.  To be still.

Being still with ourselves is not the way of the collective.  It is not much honored in our societal, value system, but there are those who have gone before, shining a light for us.  Those who can help us be still, and OMG   even enjoy it..

I invite you to peruse this bibliography and find one to support you being so much more gentle with yourself....  enjoying the ride.    You might be surprised at what changes for you.

Blessings, Misty

Los Osos August 16th, 2014

JAMMING

If the world gives you peaches….. make jam!

My neighbor has an orchard in the valley and gave me a big lug of peaches.  My other neighbor wanted to help so bought the pectin and some sugar  and we peeled and pitted and chopped up big drippy luscious yellow peaches.. tossed them in the pot and stirred in some spice and laughter.  We each ended up with enough jam for the winter.

It took me home to the ranch.  Summer days and my mom and I hunched over the kitchen sink, peeling, peeling, peeling away.  It could have been peaches, or apples or pears or plums, or shucking corn for the freezer, or tipping beans or cleaning berries. 

It was always the two of us.  It didn’t feel like special time then..  I am sure I would have rather been leaning over the back fence singing songs or playing with the dogs.

But now it is so sweet a thought.  Time with my mom.  Such a gift, a blessing.

How often we are living in moments, seemingly so ordinary, that we miss them.

Look up folks.  Today is it!!!!  Breathe deep, look closely at your world…. You are RICH!!

Happy Saturday Night!

Misty, August 9, 2014

A POPE, A LAMA, A PRESIDENT AND A RABBI…..WHO LAUGHS!!!!

Recently I saw a photo of the current Pope laughing.  It struck me as somewhat unusual..  It started me on a search of photos of other religious and political leaders with a real smile on their faces.  

He recently put out a list of 10 things you could do to be HAPPY.

1)  Live and let live!

2)  Be giving of yourself to others.

3)  Proceed calmly in life.

4)  Have a healthy sense of leisure.

5)  Sundays are holidays, spend them with friends and family.

6)  Create dignified jobs for young people.

7)  Respect and take care of Nature.

8)  Stop being negative.

9)  Respect the beliefs of others.

10)  Work for peace.

The Dalai Lama is often quoted saying that the one rule of his religion is to be HAPPY...

I think it includes being silly too.

Doesn't it seem odd when you think about it that we don't look for leaders that are happy people?  This is a former mayor in Iceland, who created his own political party called the "BEST" party.  He is a stand up comedian, and can be seen laughing, getting a tattoo, being generally silly, including dressing in drag for a parade.   He swept the town off their feet with his energy and laughter and incidentally was very successful dealing with the issues of his capital city. 

 





“As soap is to the body, so laughter is to the soul.” – Jewish Proverb

Perhaps we should be looking for the leaders that laugh, find joy, can be silly….. doesn't that seem wise?

Blessed are those who lead with laughter.

 Happy Monday!
Misty, with a smile!
August 4th, 2014